Two Summers and One Heartbreak Ago.

The summer that changed my life, forever.

Two summers ago I was broken, lost and hopeless. I was still in an on/off relationship with my ex-boyfriend of five years and things were seriously pathetic, especially me. It was unsolvable and was like all natural phenomena known to mankind have come to our relationship. "I was a shipwrecked."

And then thus came the summer of 2012. It started off as any ordinary summers in my life. Boring classes. Familiar faces. Everything. And me, I am in a miserable state of heart ache because I still carry a torch for my ex (he was still my bf at that time).

It all started when he left for Cagayan last January 2012. Things got a little hard for us (well, mostly it’s me and his womanizing ways). I saw pictures of him partying it up with half naked women. His friends added me just so I can see those pictures. And me, the old me was dumb enough to hope for some miracle to happen. That is for him to change, realize and to treasure our relationship. So I hold on and kept fighting. "Because when you are in love that is what you do. You never hear your friends screaming, pleading and begging you to see that everything is so fucked up. You never do that. Because when you are in love you believe in all those crappy things in movies where everything is happy ending."  Then my weary and fragile heart did not made it and we still ended broken up before January ended that year. He was still in Cagayan and the supposedly two weeks became three months. We never saw each other during those months and remained broken up. Up until the last days of March when I need to see him to return his phone back. I thought, this was it, he will tell me he made a mistake and was just peer pressured by his friends. But all that fantasies became nothing. I’ve learned later on that he was already in Zamboanga two weeks and he didn’t even come to see and make things up with me ( I know! I was hopeful and pathetic. Don’t hate me. I will make it up later!). So after my finals I went to a year ender party and went home for two weeks.

That brings me to the start of summer class. I had three subjects, Political Science, Economics and Trigonometry, PolSci as the earliest which is 7.30am. A little background about me, my classmates always teases me with every guy they can, so for me it’s nothing when they tease me again with someone new. What really shunned me later that week was my professor in Political Science teasing me with some guy at the back which isn’t our classmate. Obviously, all our classmates got excited and they all had a good laugh about the teasing. Me, I did what I always do when they tease me with someone, I just smiled politely. Days passed without any excitement. I was always with my three friends. Eat. Hang out. Go home. Sleep. Study. (Yes, pretty boring stuffs)

 One Sunday in April that summer, I learned that my ex was getting back together with his first love. "I am not denying that it hurts so fucking much that hell would be heaven. I mean it means that our five years was a lie and everything I knew of love was a lie. I was betrayed at the molecular level." Not only betrayed but played, lied and everything you can think of. I already gave my way to them countless times but he lied that he wanted me even though in reality I wasn’t (I know at this point you see me as pathetic ol’ trudge. There are other stories about this maybe if I have the mood to write it all down, maybe I will but five years is too long but continue reading it gets better, I promise)  I cried. Sleep. And then the next day decided to go to Fort Pilar to pray. My prayers? Same old, that whatever that was I wanted to get over it. Give me some guy. Give me medicine. "At that point I don’t give a fuck what it was so long as to get the pain away."

Thus started the week that changed my life.

On Wednesday that week, I met the guy that changed everything. I mean everything as in everything. Remember the guy my PolSci teacher teased me with? Well he was the same guy who asked for my number that crisp Wednesday morning. I was a bit hesitant at first because he was good looking and he knows how to dress up and dance for Christ sake. So forgive me for being hesitant. I just got my heart broken a thousand times. But then I thought that maybe this was my opportunity. So with my mind made up I gave it a try. We texted. We hang out and eventually he became my boyfriend. But don’t think of this as something that was a happy relationship. Obviously, I am just his summer love. Sooner I learned that he was already in a serious relationship with the mother of his child. So as the summer ended our relationship also ended. Our Political Science subject ended earlier so we never had the chance to say our goodbyes. I went home; spend my two weeks’ vacation at home. "The only difference was I am not the same broken girl I was two months ago, I became someone else."

I know many of you think the summer love I had was something tragic or painful for me knowing I just got out of a relationship. But the truth was, it wasn’t. For two months "I felt whole. I felt alive." I know I hadn’t really elaborated the two months I had with my summer fling but for me it was like an eye opener. For the first time in three years I was smiling and laughing and I felt like I am a girl. Everything was in clear. Everything. For me being the stupidest girl ever for holding on my ex’s crap and shenanigans. I really can’t explain how the two months became my redemption. So even if basically my summer fling lied to me about his ‘other relationship’ I was thankful to him. And even now, if I will be a billionaire, I will probably give him a European Tour for a year. "Because of him, I believed in something again, because of him I was not that broken and most especially he taught me how to move on."

Later that summer, my ex was texting me to get back together. Me, the new me wasn’t buying it. And I still remember that feeling that I told him I already met someone new, although temporary, but someone not him. "I still remember when I told him I loved him but I was not ‘in’ love with him. I was free and will be forever thankful with that summer two years ago."

Today after two years I am still happy although after that summer I didn’t indulge into another relationship again. I’m just enjoying single life with my friends; after all I was 14 when I said “Yes” to my first boyfriend. I am better. Better than ever. For the first year my ex still drunk calling and texting me telling me that he loves me and I am ‘the one’. Unfortunately for him I already learned my lesson the ‘hardest ways’.  What’s most disturbing was that he was already with his first love when this happened.  I wonder what he tells to people. I know, I can think of one, he keeps telling them that I was the one who chased, begged to get back together. What a douche right? I may be stupid but I am not the kind of psycho ex-girlfriend you see in movies. I’m too far away from that. You see before all these shenanigans in love I am something else and I am not gonna ruin that.

Yesterday’s a history. I already forgave him. I already got over. The only thing that makes me sad right now is that the people (his friends, family) who didn’t know the story but judged me. I just hope that one day they will know everything that happened. "But unlike before, I am not holding on to that idea." I know how people can become egocentric.

Top it all, that summer love I have was the rebound guy. And rebound guys when they know that they are the rebound guy can be very helpful. If you are in a state of relationship same as mine and breaking up with it seems impossible even if you already hear things like infidelity, betrayal as such. Try focusing on some things other than the hurt you are feeling. Make up your decision, and once you already made it up, don’t think about it. Hang out with your friends. Remember that there are more things to do than weep for some prick that doesn’t deserve your love. Remember that in this crazy world is your ‘the one’. Remember that when you’re a kid all the adults you see are married with kids. Well that will definitely happen to you. It will happen over time it may be your best friend today. It can also happen spontaneously, the person you meet at the stall in mall. Other times you need to wait while in some you need to act. Just know that right love is like when you are in a crowded restaurant, lots of beautiful people but when the radio plays a love song all you see is that one person you cannot live without.

And when you meet that someone just bear in bear in mind that life doesn't always give us what we want. If things start to fall apart, learn when to fight and learn when to accept defeat and let it go. x

JOYCE